Apparently monsters shop at Abercrombie and Fitch

When I was growing up, I loved scary movies. And my favorite creature of all was the vampire. Now, let's get one thing straight -- I'm not talking about sparkly vampires with perfectly tousled hair that glitter in sunlight and prance around in fields falling in love with stupid, boring, clumsy humans. I liked vampires when they were actual scary monsters (which if I recall correctly, are what they were supposed to be in the first place). Back in the day, when you saw vampires you weren't attracted to them and certainly didn't want them to bite you. In fact, they were scary and you would run away screaming if you saw one!  But of course, like everything else that somehow has gotten twisted in today's society, vampires have taken on a whole new identity. Now they are sexy creatures that humans want to sleep with (and who, in turn, actually develop feelings for humans instead of wanting to kill them).

Vampire from the 80's (from the classic movie Fright Night):

Vampire from the 00's (from the insanely popular Twilight series):

Vampires were created to be scary, corpse-like monsters but have been somehow morphed into sexy, attractive human-like teenage boys in today's society. Today's "monsters" look like they belong in GQ magazine. Which brings me to my current conundrum: What the hell happened to Halloween?

Halloween = Scary. Right? Weren't classic Halloween costumes traditionally scary vampires, creepy witches, ghosts, zombies, etc.? Weren't skeletons, bats, and spiderwebs the traditional decor? So why are the most popular costumes this year turning out to be Lady Gaga and Snooki? Since when did Halloween become a holiday celebrating slutty outfits and troubled celebrities?

Maybe I'm just bitter because my love for vampires has been interpreted as some teeny-bopper bandwagon infatuation with all things Twilight. So let's just get one thing straight: I liked vampires before most Twilight fans were even born. I liked vampires when they were actually scary creatures that you were afraid of. Halloween is supposed to be a scary holiday, not a chance for you to go out in the town in your skimpiest lingerie. Even on Halloween, wearing only a bra, panties, and hooker boots will still make you look like trash. Society is creating these wimpy, sex-crazed teenagers with no traditions who will undoubtedly grow up into wimpy, sex-crazed adults with no traditions. Which when you think of it, is actually kind of scary after all.