Monday, October 11, 2010

Apparently monsters shop at Abercrombie and Fitch

When I was growing up, I loved scary movies. And my favorite creature of all was the vampire. Now, let's get one thing straight -- I'm not talking about sparkly vampires with perfectly tousled hair that glitter in sunlight and prance around in fields falling in love with stupid, boring, clumsy humans. I liked vampires when they were actual scary monsters (which if I recall correctly, are what they were supposed to be in the first place). Back in the day, when you saw vampires you weren't attracted to them and certainly didn't want them to bite you. In fact, they were scary and you would run away screaming if you saw one!  But of course, like everything else that somehow has gotten twisted in today's society, vampires have taken on a whole new identity. Now they are sexy creatures that humans want to sleep with (and who, in turn, actually develop feelings for humans instead of wanting to kill them).

Vampire from the 80's (from the classic movie Fright Night):

Vampire from the 00's (from the insanely popular Twilight series):

Vampires were created to be scary, corpse-like monsters but have been somehow morphed into sexy, attractive human-like teenage boys in today's society. Today's "monsters" look like they belong in GQ magazine. Which brings me to my current conundrum: What the hell happened to Halloween?

Halloween = Scary. Right? Weren't classic Halloween costumes traditionally scary vampires, creepy witches, ghosts, zombies, etc.? Weren't skeletons, bats, and spiderwebs the traditional decor? So why are the most popular costumes this year turning out to be Lady Gaga and Snooki? Since when did Halloween become a holiday celebrating slutty outfits and troubled celebrities?

Maybe I'm just bitter because my love for vampires has been interpreted as some teeny-bopper bandwagon infatuation with all things Twilight. So let's just get one thing straight: I liked vampires before most Twilight fans were even born. I liked vampires when they were actually scary creatures that you were afraid of. Halloween is supposed to be a scary holiday, not a chance for you to go out in the town in your skimpiest lingerie. Even on Halloween, wearing only a bra, panties, and hooker boots will still make you look like trash. Society is creating these wimpy, sex-crazed teenagers with no traditions who will undoubtedly grow up into wimpy, sex-crazed adults with no traditions. Which when you think of it, is actually kind of scary after all.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

30 used to be old

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about "growing up." When I was younger, I thought 30 was so old!!  I couldn't fathom that a person in their thirties still knew the names of singers on the top 40 charts and stayed up past 8:00. Actually, I remember when I thought that a guy over 25 is way too old for me to date. Note: Under 25 is now, for the most part, unacceptable for me to date unless he is way too smart and mature for his age, already a professional with a good career, comes from a wonderful family and has the mentality of a 35 year-old. But I digress...

Not there yet, but in a month and a half, I'll be turning 30 years old!! And to give a little credit to my younger, more naive self, 30 did used to be considered a somewhat "older" age. For example, it was the age by which girls were traditionally expected to be married with at least one kid on the way. Luckily in today's time, 30 really is the new 20.  Thirty-somethings are still partying singles, going back to school, and enjoying crazy late nights out. Actually, as I'm approaching this milestone, I'm realizing that the quality of life you enjoy in your 30's may actually surpass that of your 20-something former self.

I'm more grounded, more financially stable/independent, and kind of "have my shit together."  Plus, I've already gone through the wild, irresponsible phase of life so I can consider many of life's unbearably painful lessons already learned. Well, for the most part anyway... lessons sometimes get re-learned after a night of too many lemon drops.

Why I should look forward to my *gasp* Thirties:

1) Men -- That's right, once your guy friends, boyfriend, and new guys you meet/date are already in their thirties, you can start calling them "men" instead of "boys". Sure, guys never really outgrow laughing at fart jokes and looking at porn. But at least they now do it in private and don't bring it up at the dinner table.

 Boys in their 20's:                   

Men in their 30's:

2) Friends -- By the time you reach your thirties you have probably made and lost quite a few friendships. You've befriended the partier, the debby-downer, the good influence, the bad influence, etc.  But by now, you friendship circle begins to dwindle. People grow, people change, and people invariably drift apart. So now you're left with your core. The people who are still your friends when you hit 30 are probably there for the long haul. You've seen each other through so many ups and downs. You've celebrated each other, fought with each other, yelled at each other, laughed with each other. If you were to ruin these friendships, there's a good chance it probably would already have happened. If a friendship survives the drunken, immature, debauchery of the twenties and comes out intact, it's probably there for life. You can rely on these ones cause they've already seen you at your lowest and stuck around. Don't get me wrong, it's never too late to make new lifelong friends. But it's good to know you have those few bests in your back pocket.

Friends in your 20's:

Friends in your 30's:
(Disclaimer: Of course you still party with your friends in your thirties. The pictures represent the foundation of the friendships)

3) Family -- Congratulations! You've been promoted to the adult table at holiday dinner!  Who knew your parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents had personalities??  In your thirties, you're taken seriously enough to be viewed as a real adult and you're let into this world you didn't know existed. Your relatives really become your friends. You get to have a drink with your uncle, spend a night out with your mom. As much as you loved your family before, you get to love them on a whole new level. You love them not only for what they are (mom, grandmother, uncle, aunt, etc.) but for WHO they really are as people. It's awesome!!

4) Life -- You have a job, you have a paycheck, you live on your own, you don't need to ask permission to do anything. You are independent. YAY!!

So here's to the thirties!!! May it be as fun as the twenties, but with less regrets and more awesomeness!! 

(If awesomeness is not a word, it should be)