Dreams of the Past

There's a certain recurring dream of mine which takes place up in my old stomping grounds of Boston. I've had this dream many times throughout the years, and now I find it haunting me for the past two nights. I'm always wandering the streets of Southie, where many of my close friends and I spent the majority of our time in the early 2000's.

Everything looks exactly like I remember it, although time has passed in my dream along with reality. It's always present day, with the acknowledgment of time passed, and it always stars a revolving cast of friends I once held dear. Anyway, I won't bore you with too many details of a dream that only it's protagonist would find interesting. But, I will say that I boy I once loved deeply, who was my world for quite a few years, always makes an apperance. It never lasts too long and it's hard to describe the nature of the interaction. It's bittersweet and warm. It feels like getting lost while being found. But it always reminds me of love. So I wrote him a note to say Thank You and I shall post it here:

For the second night in the row, I've dreamt of a time that used to be. Walking down streets past red subway stations and Irish pizzerias. But I realize it's not a journey back in time, it is a journey back in place. For every night that I walk those streets, catching up with familiar faces I thought I'd never see again, we marvel at how long it's been since I've been back to that place. And it's great to see these people.. people whom I hope I'd recognize if I saw them in the waking hours. But then, right on cue, yet somehow unexpectedly, you always show up. Usually on that steep street that overlooks the water if you're standing right at the top of the hill. And we don't know if it's ok to see each other and catch up as friends, though we always want to. And we remind each other that at some point we were family. So we make plans that involve meeting up at a later time that never comes because the hours on my alarm clock pass quicker than those in an imaginary world. But it feels nice, how perhaps it would be if I booked a plane ticket out of curiosity to see if Guinness is still served warm because the owners of that pub are more authentic than those in a land of palm trees. And I don't want to know how real or unreal the vision is, I just want to say thank you. Thanks for showing up. Thanks for the love.

One week away

I'm pretty sure that one week from now will commence one of the greatest weekends I've had in a long time. Two major events will be taking place. First, my friend will be visiting from New York. This is no ordinary friend. This is the type of soul mate friend that you spent everyday with as a kid and then lost complete touch with for years but once reconnected, it felt like nothing had changed and you were able to speak for hours about everything, like you did back during your middle school slumber parties. Yep, that kind of friendship. Since we literally live across the country from each other and have pretty busy schedules (ok, maybe hers is a little busier than mine.. lately my nights have consisted of takeout and wii), we don't get to catch up as often as we'd like. But next weekend, we'll have all the time in the world to go grab some drinks, laugh till our tummies hurt, and talk (very fast... we speak very fast when we're together, so good luck trying to understand us) about EVERYTHING.  She'll also be here when the second major event will be taking place....

One week from today, I pick out my puppy! He's going to look something like this:

Teddy bear come to life (aka Wheaten puppy)

My home is already puppy-proofed and all his supplies are ready for his arrival in one week.

Anyway, I guess I actually don't have too much to say. I'm sure I'll have a ton to write about after that weekend.. and a ton of pics! But, for now, I'm just so excited that I had to make this post to prevent myself from bursting with happy excitement!

With friends like these...

Some say, “Friendship is like wine, the older the better.” Others say, “If a person has five friends at the time of their death, they’ve led a good life.” All of that is true, I suppose. But, who is a friend?

Friendship is a funny thing. It can be based on anything. When you’re a child, often times your friends are just based around who else lives in your neighborhood or who you go to school with. Most people’s childhood friends are their best friends, yet the pickings were relatively slim to begin with.

** Disclaimer – I love my childhood friends, who are really my best friends, and would pick the same ones had I chosen them out of everyone in the world. **

As we grow older, we encounter endless opportunities to make more friends. We make friends at work, at college, at various events regarding a mutual interest. We make friends with random people we meet out, that we ordinarily would never encounter. Plus, in today’s day and age, we even make friends we’ve never met before – people we interact with on Facebook or Twitter that we get along with but whom we’ve never actually even talked to on the phone.

Some of these newer friends can disappoint you and I guess it’s not too much of a shock when that happens. But what about those disappointments that you never saw coming? I had a “best friend” that I’ve only known for the past 4-5 years. We spent every day together. Literally. My photo album is full of the best, most insane memories that always bring a smile to my face. We were partners in crime, always together. 

 Just like Thelma and Louise

Although this would be considered a newer friend, I honestly put this person in a category of bests, which included those friends that have known me since elementary school. We had little arguments here and there, but always came out smiling, laughing, and causing mischief together on the other end.

Those are now memories from long ago and far away. Friends do sometimes drift apart, especially one of them finds a new circle of friends that doesn’t include the other person, or one of them starts dating somebody new who takes up a lot of their time. But, isn’t the point of a strong friendship the fact that people can drift apart a little here and there, or make their own other friends, and yet they still take the time to maintain your relationship?

I have a couple of friends that I’ve known since I was about ten years old. Some of them I’ve always stayed in touch with on a regular basis. One of them I’ve stayed in touch with, but she’s now married with a child and we barely have time to see each other. The other, I lost touch with, and only recently reconnected with but I still feel like she’s a sister to me. We actually joke that we’re the same person inside. What makes these friendships so real is that all that time can pass and distance can come between us, yet we’re still there for each other and view each other the same way as before.

This newer best friend, however, has all the opportunity in the world to continue our friendship. I reach out to her all the time, yet she never seems to actually make the time to respond. Instead she’s just moved on to the next group of friends. I always had this person’s back. I forgave her for things without asking, I supported her in situations where most people wouldn’t. Yet, I guess none of that matters. The only thing left for me to do is try not to get jaded by the experience. New friends can be true friends, and can turn into some of your best friends. You just have to expect some disappointments sometimes.

Anyway, I guess I’m just venting… it sucks, it hurts, and I just needed a platform to say all this. So I said it here. At least I have my real friends to cheer me up :)

30 used to be old

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about "growing up." When I was younger, I thought 30 was so old!!  I couldn't fathom that a person in their thirties still knew the names of singers on the top 40 charts and stayed up past 8:00. Actually, I remember when I thought that a guy over 25 is way too old for me to date. Note: Under 25 is now, for the most part, unacceptable for me to date unless he is way too smart and mature for his age, already a professional with a good career, comes from a wonderful family and has the mentality of a 35 year-old. But I digress...

Not there yet, but in a month and a half, I'll be turning 30 years old!! And to give a little credit to my younger, more naive self, 30 did used to be considered a somewhat "older" age. For example, it was the age by which girls were traditionally expected to be married with at least one kid on the way. Luckily in today's time, 30 really is the new 20.  Thirty-somethings are still partying singles, going back to school, and enjoying crazy late nights out. Actually, as I'm approaching this milestone, I'm realizing that the quality of life you enjoy in your 30's may actually surpass that of your 20-something former self.

I'm more grounded, more financially stable/independent, and kind of "have my shit together."  Plus, I've already gone through the wild, irresponsible phase of life so I can consider many of life's unbearably painful lessons already learned. Well, for the most part anyway... lessons sometimes get re-learned after a night of too many lemon drops.

Why I should look forward to my *gasp* Thirties:

1) Men -- That's right, once your guy friends, boyfriend, and new guys you meet/date are already in their thirties, you can start calling them "men" instead of "boys". Sure, guys never really outgrow laughing at fart jokes and looking at porn. But at least they now do it in private and don't bring it up at the dinner table.

 Boys in their 20's:                   

Men in their 30's:

                   
2) Friends -- By the time you reach your thirties you have probably made and lost quite a few friendships. You've befriended the partier, the debby-downer, the good influence, the bad influence, etc.  But by now, you friendship circle begins to dwindle. People grow, people change, and people invariably drift apart. So now you're left with your core. The people who are still your friends when you hit 30 are probably there for the long haul. You've seen each other through so many ups and downs. You've celebrated each other, fought with each other, yelled at each other, laughed with each other. If you were to ruin these friendships, there's a good chance it probably would already have happened. If a friendship survives the drunken, immature, debauchery of the twenties and comes out intact, it's probably there for life. You can rely on these ones cause they've already seen you at your lowest and stuck around. Don't get me wrong, it's never too late to make new lifelong friends. But it's good to know you have those few bests in your back pocket.

Friends in your 20's:

 

Friends in your 30's:

(Disclaimer: Of course you still party with your friends in your thirties. The pictures represent the foundation of the friendships)

3) Family -- Congratulations! You've been promoted to the adult table at holiday dinner!  Who knew your parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents had personalities??  In your thirties, you're taken seriously enough to be viewed as a real adult and you're let into this world you didn't know existed. Your relatives really become your friends. You get to have a drink with your uncle, spend a night out with your mom. As much as you loved your family before, you get to love them on a whole new level. You love them not only for what they are (mom, grandmother, uncle, aunt, etc.) but for WHO they really are as people. It's awesome!!

4) Life -- You have a job, you have a paycheck, you live on your own, you don't need to ask permission to do anything. You are independent. YAY!!

So here's to the thirties!!! May it be as fun as the twenties, but with less regrets and more awesomeness!! 

(If awesomeness is not a word, it should be)

Photography Spirituality Family

Timing is everything. As is often said, you find things or they find you as needed. How fitting then, that just as I begin to make changes in my own life, Eat Pray Love should be in theaters. I went to the movie last night and I couldn't help but relate to the journey and feelings of the main character. As she went through her three phases of Eat Pray and Love to find her true self, I came to the realization that I have my own three elements that help me find my balance and stay true to myself - photography, spirituality, and family. Lucky for me, I don't have to buy any plane tickets ;)

PHOTOGRAPHY

I love taking pictures. My friends jokingly refer to me as "paparazzi." My photography habit started mainly because I am, by nature, a very sentimental person. I love having pictures of people, places, and things that made me happy. I love memories and I love capturing special moments. Because, as we all know, nothing lasts forever but looking at a picture can instantly bring back the feeling of that time, place, and who you were then.

However, lately photography has begun to mean even more to me. Instead of using it just to capture my own memories, I use it to capture the beauty I see in the world. By focusing on taking pictures of breathtaking scenes in nature, I have been put in a state of awe as to the wonder of it all. From the smallest flower blossoming through a crack in concrete to a dolphin jumping out of the water to a magnificent sunset overlooking the horizon, photographing nature is a reminder of how truly small one person is in the grand scheme of things. It removes feelings of egoism because you realize how truly small you are. The world is gigantic, full of an unimaginable array of life, and truly awe-inspiring. That being said, you also realize that everything is connected. Each living thing, including you, is one piece of the puzzle - a gigantic gazillion-piece puzzle - that needs every single piece to be complete. Once you realize that, you take comfort in being a part of this great, big, wonderful world and you are filled with gratitude for being part of something so much greater than yourself.

One more thing, to everyone who gets annoyed when someone wants to take picture of you, remember this: It is a compliment. A photo says, "You were so important to me that I put down everything else to come watch."

SPIRITUALITY

I believe in G-d. My faith has never wavered. My connection and observance of my faith.. well, that's a different story. Make no mistake, I have no doubt that what I believe is true. But for some reason, I've been having real difficulty putting my thoughts into actions. This can't be good for the soul because it's trapped in your body and they're at odds. Without going into too much detail on this particular subject, I will say that once again, timing is everything. How fitting is it that I am reevaluating my life when Rosh Hashannah is right around the corner. I plan on taking full advantage of the High Holidays by reevaluating myself and allowing my soul to guide my actions. After all, "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body."

FAMILY

The one thing in life we have absolutely no control over is our family. What makes that so comforting though, is that you know, that since you had no control over it, you were born into the exact family you were meant to be a part of (no matter how crazy they seem to be). When all is said and done, family is all you got. They are the ones who love you unconditionally. My family is my backbone. Because of them, I have been able to fall and pick myself back up again, time after time. As you go through life, you need other people to share it with - people who are loyal and love you. There's no greater love than that of family.

And don't get me wrong, family is not just limited to blood. I am so blessed to have a few friends that I have been close with for as long as I can remember. We have seen each other through everything, all the ups and downs of growing up. We've all made mistakes and we've always forgiven each other. We always will. We're are a secondary family. We truly do love each other. We understand each other. We're sisters and brothers with different parents. And that's family.

Remember this, "You go through life alone. But you'll have many visitors. Some are long-term. Most aren't." Those long-termers... hold on close to those and realize you're blessed to have them!